Dad's Corner

Welcome to "Dad's Corner."

This is the section of the blog where you will be getting a very male perspective on this whole family gig.

Today's issue: "Women are Complicated"

No, I am not about to go on a rant about how emotional my wife is, how I never understand her and how I am always in trouble. (For the record, you will be hard pressed to find someone more even keeled than Christy, she communicates well, and on those seldom occasions I get in trouble, I know exactly what I did, and probably knew full well I would get in trouble, and then proceeded to do it anyway.)

I am talking biology and the functioning of a woman's body.

Men are simple. I am pretty sure the entire design of our bodies is centered around impregnating a woman. (Preferably your wife.)

Women, on the other hand, are complicated. WAY complicated. The very first insight I got into this was the following: (For you single men out there, you may wish to stop reading here if you want a little mystery to remain in life.)

Quite a few years back, I was sitting with my then girlfriend and my sister in Iowa, when I discovered something: WOMEN COME EQUIPPED WITH WIRELESS NETWORKING! To my amazement, I discovered that women, while living together for an extended amount of time, will start cycling together. (And no, I do not mean bicycles.)

Yes, pharamones apparently are constantly shooting out of women like pollen from plants, spores from fungi, and over-simplistic, shallow political cliches out of Sarah Palin. Apparently women also have collectors that detect these pharamones, and through some sort of vodo witchcraft, their bodies SYNC up (copyright Ford Motor Company) and the aforementioned non-bicycling activities commence at the same time. Bizarre.

To further add to this bizarreness, there are apparently "Alpha Females" who force other women onto their "frequency." This can only lead me to the conclusion that women are pack animals. (Which coincidentally would explain their group behavior regarding public restrooms.)

What brought on this discussion, you ask? Well, I will tell you:

This morning, as we finally arose from bed around 10ish this morning (IN YOUR FACE, ALL OF YOU WHO SAID OUR DAYS OF THAT WERE OVER!!!) Christy decided to feed our daughter. Amelia was not very awake yet, so Christy set her down (in an extremely safe, OSHA approved manner) and started to prepare for the feeding.

Suddenly, Amelia awoke, realized she was, in fact, hungry, and started to announce this discovery with a mighty bellow. Instantly, with absolutely no physical contact, milk spewed forth from my wife's left bosom! Christy yelled, and dove for a nearby burp cloth to protect the couch cushions.

Let me recap for those of you (men) who missed it:

Amelia's mere cry caused excretions to flow forth from my wife!!!

I really staggered in amazement at this connection between mother and child. (I was also informed that other babies' cries will also sometimes illicit such a response!)

In this mere one month, I have been amazed at how Christy's body (and I would extend this to all women's bodies) is/are built for this whole mothering thing, psychologically, emotionally, physically.

I rarely get preachy on this blog, but this was so astounding this morning that I can't help it:

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it well." Psalm 139:14

I think even fearfully-er and wonderfully-er if you are a woman.

Now, since I am NOT a woman, and therefore not equipped with wireless networking, nor am I equipped with mammary glands, I need to quit blogging and do the dishes while Amelia is eating second breakfast.

That's the view from Dad's Corner for now.